Guess it’s legit.
Top 10 List of Attractions To Not Build In Avatar Land
10. Imagine a trailer entirely void of oxygen full of single occupancy incubation units. Guests enter the trailer and then lay down inside incubation units with masks that provide oxygen. An animatronic Colonel Miles Quaritch knocks over the trailer in his machine-thing and guests have to race around trying to find an oxygen source before dying. No height requirement. The oxygen source has 54 possible locations! Never experience the same ride twice! Seriously….never.
9. Anything featuring characters from Treasure Planet.
8. A 4D film featuring an extended sex scene between Jake Sully and Neytiri. Directed by Michael Bay.
7. A three foot tall Tree of Souls placed on top of mountains. “Trust us, it will look big once this whole forced perspective thing is completed.”
6. Place Disney buses in a circle with a small opening for guests to enter. “Fill in all available space.” Run the buses for a few minutes with the exhaust pipes facing the visitors. Pull every animatronic president since Nixon from American Adventure and have them explain over and over again that we’re just ten years away from being independent of Middle East oil. Due to capacity concerns in other parts of Avatar Land, this attraction should hold about 1,000 people and last at least ten minutes.
5. The Sigourney Weaver animatronic from the Great Movie Ride welcomes guests to Avatar Land.
4. A stage show featuring Pocahontas and John Smith set in Pandora. With the assumption no one will notice the difference.
3. Just kidding. We’re building a bowling alley instead. And this spot in front of the Tree of Life looks like a good place to put Mickey’s Sorcerer’s Hat.
2. Since mountain banshees don’t really exist, have kids pick out pit bulls or sharks that “suit them.” Since neural inference doesn’t exist, have kids try to pet the animals until they find one that doesn’t bite a finger or hand off. To build up a sense of exclusivity, have only one extremely tiny shop offer this service.
1. Dual Primeval Whirls.