5. Steak and Pork Platter – Pecos Bill – Magic Kingdom
Boy oh boy is this a platter drenched in deliciousness. Let’s start with the hamburg…I mean 12-ounce petite filet mignon, expertly char-grilled and aged no less than 12 hours. That’s right. They don’t microwave it until you’re in the general vicinity of ordering it. It’s topped with a mouth watering pesto sauce that would make even Olive Garden blush. Mama mia! Next up is the cornbread. Baked to a consistency that makes it perfect for those recovering from major jaw surgery, the cornbread will melt in your mouth because it was never solid to begin with. Counts as a beverage on the Disney Dining Plan. Spooned from the giant pork vat of pleasure, this Colorado-style BBQ pork is much easier to shovel into your hungry mouth than any of that nonsense in between a bun. I just wish I could dig into that vat of pleasure with a bigger spoon. How could I forget the salsa? What does it go on? What doesn’t it go on, friend. Spoon a little bit onto everything. Finishing up with the corn, which is cooked just long enough that it’s literally falling off the cob to satisfy you. So savory.
4. Burrito Premium Hot Dog – Fairfax Fare – Hollywood Studios
There are few things Disney loves more than guests sharing food. If they had it their way, everyone would book Be Our Guest dinner and share a single cupcake. Enter Mickey Hybrid Entrees™, which are half-vegetarian, half-meat-glorious. As you can see above, the hot dog covers exactly 50.0% of the tortilla, making this perfect for couples to share when one is busy saving the world, while the other senselessly murders animals for food. Those selfish enough to eat one of these by themselves will have a hard time deciding which half is their favorite. Personally, I prefer the hot dog half. With the sour cream creating a wet, slippery canvas, trying to get it in your mouth is sort of like playing with a damp badger. Delicious.
It’s coming right for you. How convenient!
3. Tabbouleh Pita – Gasparilla Grill – Grand Floridian Resort and Spa
If there’s one thing in this world I love, it’s got to be balls. And that’s one thing this pita offers in spades. I don’t think I’ve ever seen anything more palatable in my life. The website’s highest recommendation.
2. Pasta Primavera with Shrimp – Tomorrowland Terrace – Magic Kingdom
If your favorite pasta sauce isn’t cold balsamic vinaigrette salad dressing then I’m going to punch you in the face until it is. This is amazing. The shrimp are so gummy that you can literally bounce them off the floor into your mouth. Give it a try! The pasta was cooked no longer than two days ago, making this some of the freshest food on property. The Terrace isn’t always open, but when it is, I prefer the Pasta Primavera.
1. Angus Pizza Burger – Cosmic Ray’s Starlight Cafe – Magic Kingdom
One fine afternoon last year, I was whimsically skipping down Main Street toward the exit, Tinker Bell balloon in hand. A Disney cast member asked if I would like to participate in a brief survey. Knowing Disney surveys are never brief and often contain 50 or more questions, I jumped at the opportunity. Question 67 was: What are your ideal hamburger toppings? Pickles, avocado, lettuce, and other ridiculous toppings were included, but my eyes were drawn straight to “old ham” and “salsa.” I was so adamant about these toppings appearing on a Disney burger that I walked back up and down Main Street over 100 times in an attempt to be selected to fill out the survey again and again. I was chosen three more times and skipped straight to question 67, marking old ham and salsa each time. And that’s what we have here with the Angus Pizza Burger. A burger mercilessly grilled until it’s bone-dry topped with an unidentifiable cheese, salsa, slice of ham from last year’s Easter celebration, and a single canned mushroom. Let me tell you – the work I put into this thing was all worth it. The best burger in the world.
While Dazney paid for all of the food pictured, I am under no obligation to write about it. And I’m totally not worried that if I didn’t report on it that Dazney wouldn’t invite me back out for free food. And the fact that I’ll do anything to remain on the Dazney gravy train in no way causes me to report back with blindingly positive comments about everything I experience on property. In other words, you can totes trust me.