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You are here: Home / Blog / Disney to Release “Duffy Merchandises Mars”

Disney to Release “Duffy Merchandises Mars”

March 31, 2012 ~ 1 minute read9 Comments

EXCLUSIVE: Andrew Stanton has been tapped to direct a Russian language sequel to John Carter, tentatively titled, “Duffy Merchandises Mars.”  The original John Carter broke all kinds of records in Russia, grossing a whopping 6.5 million dollars in its first day.  Widely considered to be a box office bomb in every other country on Earth, Disney looks to expand Duffy’s dominance in Japan to the former Soviet Union.

We have an exclusive interview with Andrew Stanton:

Mr. Stanton, thanks so much for taking the time to sit down with the Internet’s 319th most popular website about Walt Disney World.

Josh, it’s my pleasure, but I seriously doubt your website is that popular.

I stopped listening after “pleasure.”  The film’s tagline is, “In Russia, Duffy dresses you.”  Do you think that plays to the stereotype that everything is backwards in Russia?

No, not at all.  John Carter was successful in Russia because we didn’t market it there.  Obviously they don’t really have televisions, news, or the Super Bowl, so Disney’s marketing team didn’t have a chance to completely slaughter any chance that the film would be successful.

That didn’t really answer my question, but I respect your Hollywood candor.  What’s the film about?

Basically it follows Duffy the Disney Bear as he arrives in Russia.  He sets up shop in a gazebo at the base of Lake Ladoga near Saint Petersburg.  Then he starts cutting deals with the local (capitalist) shops.  The plan is to sell the townspeople the bear first and then convince them that they need to purchase different outfits for their bear using subliminal messages, subversive marketing, and oversaturation.

So it’s basically the same way Duffy arrived at Epcot?

Yes, but with a budget that would make Michael Bay blush.

Is there any artwork for the film you’d like to share?

Yes, here’s the first poster for the film:

Oh wow, is that font “Impact?”

Yes, we spared no expense with this film.

Mr. Stanton, thanks so much for joining us.  We’re looking forward to a dubbed version hitting the United States at some point in the future.

Yes, we’re hoping it will be as popular as The Secret World of Arrietty.  Thanks and see you next time.

So there you have it people, John Carter will be seeing a sequel after all.  What’s next, a 100 million dollar simulator attraction in Future World West?  Oh wait.

 

 

Last modified: August 27, 2014 Filed Under: Blog

Comments

  1. keri says

    March 31, 2012 at 9:24 pm

    I love this so much.

    Reply
  2. Peaches says

    March 31, 2012 at 10:08 pm

    I think the sucess of John Carter in Russia was due to the volume of pure grain alcohol that is consumed daily by the population. Not that there is anything wrong with that, Russians can party hard.

    Reply
  3. Erica says

    April 1, 2012 at 7:29 am

    ::sniff:: I like Duffy 🙁

    I really don’t understand why people don’t like him, he’s cute, cuddly… though I suppose in my defense I did not like him very much either until I went to Japan.

    Reply
  4. pfalcioni says

    April 1, 2012 at 8:10 am

    What, now Impact is the next Comic Sans? Well crud, I need to go completely re-do my company’s logo.

    Reply
  5. RebeccaMcK says

    April 1, 2012 at 8:11 am

    Good one! Also, the April Fool’s post about all the best quick service meals, lol.

    Reply
  6. E says

    April 1, 2012 at 8:15 am

    I’m with you Erica…I love him, too!

    Reply
  7. Sharon C. says

    April 1, 2012 at 8:18 am

    Someone’s got his snark on. 🙂

    Reply
  8. Mike says

    April 1, 2012 at 8:34 am

    *sigh* I hate this day.

    Reply
  9. Figaro says

    April 2, 2012 at 9:34 am

    Sales up to US $254.5m now but dropping the ‘of Mars’ part makes every time the film is criticized sounds like a personal insult at me. 🙁

    It should be titled Disney’s John Carter IMO.

    Oh and put some pants on bear.

    Reply

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